Trying to find people to work with is a hassle for companies. Here are five ways to make this even harder for them.

Don’t send them what they ask for

If they ask for a link to your github account, be sure to not send them one. If they ask for links to web apps that you’ve worked on before, only include a link to your homepage and your amazing blog.

Don’t go their website

Never, never go to their website. Don’t signup for an account and click around to get an idea of what they do. And definitely do not include any information about how you are interested in their app or ideas of how you could improve it.

Act like a rock star

Be sure to tell them how amazing your rails consultancy is. Send them a cover letter that you use for all the other jobs you apply for, but just change the name on who it’s to. Rather than pointing to successful apps you’re worked on, highlight how you have 15 years of experience building Java and .NET apps and started rails in 2005.

Don’t ask questions

Don’t ask the company for details that you are curious about. Don’t ask them how they work, or for more specifics on what they are looking for.

Don’t respond promptly

One of the things that startups enjoy is a quick turnaround time. They don’t like having to wait. So, in order to not get the job, be sure to take 12-72 hours to reply to e-mails.

Don’t get a job

Using these tips, I can promise that you will successfully not get a job (at least from me).